


If This Isn't Love

by SoulPhrase



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: A Very Small And Bitter Joker, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Other, Romance, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 02:29:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6592930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulPhrase/pseuds/SoulPhrase
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her liege was like the day, her colleague like the night. Flora, however, was something in between. She usually understood when a situation was hopeless, but he had never felt like a lost cause. And yet, she could only watch on as Joker fondly grasped their master’s hands between his own. Could she really blame him for being so captivated by the sun, when she was little more than an afterthought of the daylight?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Since the days of their youth, Joker had sworn himself to servitude on Kamui’s behalf. He were to dedicate his mind, body and soul to maintaining his master’s wellness above all else. It was a vow to be upheld for life; ‘til death would they part. Given the typical expectations set on a master and their butler, the relationship between them had long been something beyond the norm.

Of course, their bond hadn’t started out so strong. As a young noble abandoned by his parents, Joker certainly had his qualms at first. Yet the two would get along rather swiftly: almost too quickly, by Joker’s standards at the time.

_He_ was an ignorant and brash child, quick to take his frustrations out on others. The indigo in his eyes was sharp and cold as a knife. He would watch those around him with scorn, pushing away all who drew near. He would never expose his smile, nor his tears. None of the other servants could be seen as his friends. If anything, they were his enemies. The maids and errand boys frequently mocked Joker behind his back. From shattered plates to poorly brewed drinks, every single mistake he made constantly loomed over the silver-haired boy’s head. What reason did he have to show those _cretins_ his emotions?

  
Why bother giving them more motives to laugh, to scorn him for only being human and making mistakes?

  
_She_ was a naive and caring girl, eager to smile and laugh with even those who put her down. The scarlet in her eyes was resilient yet tender, like her gently beating heart. She would watch those around her with envy, as her visitors were scarce. She would always grant others a smile, and wasn’t afraid to cry in front of a stranger. She wanted everyone to be her friends. Yet even her beloved siblings were never able to stay in the fortress longer than a few days at a time. Kamui could do little but glance outside her window, wondering what it would be like to fly, to escape the dreariness of her imprisonment. Leon brought her a new book with each visit, but her pretty little head learned each new fairytale effortlessly. Each story only made her yearning to see the outside world that much stronger.

  
Perhaps if anyone witnessed her shedding tears, they would finally take her out of the fortress?

 

. . .

  
Their worlds were miles apart. Yet each new day had brought them closer, to the point of receiving disapproval by their peers. A princess and her butler should maintain certain boundaries; a distance between them to keep their relationship from becoming any more… unprofessional. As far as onlookers were concerned, the pair was a match made in hell.

  
_She_ , deserved better.

  
_He_ , deserved worse.

  
Yet, neither was truly willing to give up on the other. They were determined to stay beside each other as long as possible, allowing their bond to grow with age. Each of them had yearned for a counterpart of their own: someone to confide their true feelings in, to stand beside them at even the roughest of times.   
Even as they complemented each other like night and day, neither Joker nor Kamui could foresee the road that they would soon traverse together.


	2. [Chapter 1] Survival of the Fittest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not easy to condition yourself to live in a dog-eat-dog world.

… _She_ had come at the worst of times.

Word quickly spread among the castle-hands of a new child among the litter. A princess, too young and ignorant to properly fend for herself. For reasons unsaid, the king himself required that she be kept away from her home country. Rumors of various ilk met Joker’s ears, even though the errand boy preferred not to meddle with such petty affairs.

For what reason would the king wish to isolate his newest daughter from the public eye? Was she not his true daughter? The notion seemed plausible enough. After all, the castle maids knew all too well of King Garon and his many concubines.

Well, whatever. Joker knew he would have to learn to deal with a life of catering to the royalty, carrying trays instead of books. Gossip was best left in the hands of those ignorant enough to believe in such rumors, anyhow. Like the two foolish maids currently accompanying him on kitchen duty. It was soon to be lunchtime, and the princess surely expected a well-prepared meal. Warm food was the quickest way to the hearts of anyone. Especially thoughtless, greedy animals.

The goblins that call themselves servants shamelessly roaming around this castle must’ve seen this as an opportunity to leave a good impression among the other royals. Although the newest princess had not been there long, it’s been said that her siblings already took quite a liking to her. Even if he was young and new, Joker already understood the mindset of these starving vultures. Play nice, and perhaps the princess will take you under her wing. Anyone fortunate enough to secure such a position would be quite well off, despite living out the rest of their lives in servitude.

Hell… anything would beat having to scrub the stains out of dirty plates, then polishing them to a spotless sheen. You know, despite the fact that they’ll be reused within the hour. What a disgustingly wasteful lifestyle. And _he_ was left with the scraps, while the castle’s other residents were free to engorge themselves like pigs on their slop. Frustrated, he looked his plate over for the third time to see if it was at least passable. He wasn’t allowed to directly handle food yet, so the gossiping pair of maids behind him focused on their end of the labor.

‘How sad,’ the servants would mutter out of false sympathy for any prying ears. ‘To live without her parents… how much time do you think she has left?’

It was all too obvious who they were referring to. Cackling among themselves like witches, the old crones set about to preparing their stew. There was no point in turning fully to see what they were doing, but Joker did catch a glimpse of a grabbed knife in the corner of his eye.

‘Who can say? The _last_ girl managed to hold out for an entire month.’

Chop.

‘Hmhm… Well, _that one_ is still here, despite all of his mistakes. What a lout.’

Joker couldn’t hide the chill that went up his spine at the venom present in the maid’s voice. Her knife cut into the vegetables with extra vigor, striking the cutting board in solid lashes. It was a clean, crisp sound: and even at the age of ten could Joker tell that the maid was feeling malicious by the way she handled her knife. The audacity they had to mock him, when he was only ten paces away… It took every ounce of self-control to keep his hand from smashing his now-polished plate over the maid’s head.

‘If she can be as heartless as him, mayhaps the little lamb stands a chance!’

Chop.

…But it wasn’t worth getting himself killed over. He hasn’t reached that breaking point _yet,_ gods forbid he ever go so far. He had seen what lengths the desperate poverty in Nohr were willing to take to spare themselves of further despair. It was a notion that typically left him feeling ill, but a lot had seemed to change in the single week he was left at the castle to fend for himself. He would have to grow up fast if he had any chance at even getting a breath of fresh air, let alone make a living for himself that wasn’t _this._

…Oh, how Joker would have loved to instead be the one grasping that knife’s handle.

 

* * *

 

 

It hadn’t been more than a month since Joker had been left on the castle’s doorstep. Abandoned by his useless parents, who deemed him worth less than a common bottle of brandy. He hadn’t even received a single word of warning from them. One moment, they were finally taking him out to a market to shop as a family. In what felt like an instant, he was shoved into a flock of castle guards and told never to bother coming home. Not that he had a chance to begin with, given that Joker couldn’t even tell east from west on the dimly-lit streets of Nohr.

Joker should’ve known something was wrong from the start. Well, even if he did… what could he have done about it? He was doomed to fall into this awful place, regardless. Everyone here seemed intent on mocking him, leaving him with the most tedious of chores despite being completely new and orphaned. He wasn’t the only one without parents, however, so expecting any sort of sympathy would have been childish of him.

But for them to go _this_ far?

The boy winced as he gingerly pressed his fingertips into the cruel reminder on his face. He took a pretty hard hit to his cheek, courtesy of another errand boy Joker happened to piss off. Instead of helping him patch up, an onlooking maid insisted that he treat the injury himself before it bruised too badly. ‘For his own good,’ she had the nerve to say. What bullshit... he could’ve sworn she even wore a smirk on that hideous face of hers.

He genuinely had no clue how to treat his cheek, resigning to the fact that it was going to bruise either way. Sharp objects were kept away from the newest servants, for rather obvious reasons. Self-injury, perhaps in case of a rebellion among the staff…  Either way, the maids were too far up their own nostrils to catch wind of Joker sneaking away a pair of scissors to his own quarters. He used it to cut a square out of his own sheets, planning to cover the injury in question with its fabric. Better to find his own way than beg one of the sadistic crones lurking at every corner for some bandages.

Turning to face a mirror, Joker only scowled at his own reflection. He should’ve been fortunate that he didn’t lose any teeth out of the scuffle, but he landed a good strike of his own on the offender. That runt shouldn’t think about picking a fight with him again. Still… he’d have to deal with this stupid bruise on his face for at _least_ a week. Even if he was covering it up, the other servants were sure to laugh at him for being so weak.

The hand carrying his pair of scissors began to tremble.

They’d know for sure that he’s vulnerable. _A target_. It couldn’t be long before someone sick enough felt like capitalizing on his weakness.

Maybe even—

. . .

_Damn it all!_

Out of frustration, Joker threw the scissors hard into the mirror hung against the wall. A sizable chunk of the glass must’ve broken off, since there was a crashing noise that followed. And he couldn’t bear to look at the mess he’d made after that. Shit… shit, he was going to be in so much trouble! The broken glass, the scissors, cutting his sheets? Why should they care? He can take care of himself, if they aren’t even willing to give him an alternative!

Joker was panting already, vision blurring, but he had to run. But where? He was already in his own room. Obviously, he was the first suspect to come to mind. With nowhere to hide…

No one to—

“What are you up to now, gutter boy? Stop making a…”

_Oh, no._

He didn’t even have to turn around to see who it was. What awful luck he must have, to get the most notorious old crone of them all catching him now. Joker couldn’t even bring himself to look at her, frozen out of fear as furious stomps indicated the maid’s approach. His eyes were focused on shards of glass scattered across the floor, biting his lip to hide a yelp of pain when the woman snatched him roughly by the wrist.

“Is this some kind of joke, you little rat? Do you find it amusing to create extra work for us, because you can’t get your _damned_ job right?”

Her hand twisted his wrist a little as if to gauge a reaction, but Joker only bit his lip harder. She wanted to rouse a reaction from him, spark a conflict and have sound reason to throw him out the door without a second thought. It would be better for all of them, he thought, if he had never arrived to begin with. He could at least have the satisfaction of punching her in the face before being forced to leave, but perhaps the maid didn’t have a care after all.

“I’ve had enough of you and your boorish antics. Everyone else feels the same, I’m sure of it.”

Joker shut his eyelids tight, hoping to catch the tears welling in his eyes before they could fall. Even so, he failed at hiding a pathetic whimper. His last, desperate plea for help.

. . .

But, then…

 

“Um…”

 

A voice he’d never heard before.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

The maid’s grip around his arm loosened. “M-Mistress? What are you doing up at this hour?”

_Mistress?_

One of the princesses was here?

Curious as he was to see his savior’s face, Joker knew he had to get going. Now was his only chance. Since the voice sounded so young, he doubted such a small princess could make a good case on his behalf. He could figure out what to do later, but for now…

Quickly, Joker snapped his arm away from the maid’s grasp and took a mad dash for the door. He nearly shoved aside the girl who very likely saved his guts tonight, but was too busy making a run for it to turn back for even a glimpse. He could sleep in the stables tonight, if it meant not being thrown out on the streets to die without a chance. Hell, anything to avoid being seen with tears now streaming down his face.

Perhaps it was a result of the tears blurring his vision, but… Joker could’ve sworn the girl who saved him had a peculiar air about her. It was a quick flash of white when he dashed past, from her clothes or hair most likely. Something akin to an angel, or the fleeting sunrise Joker had only seen twice beside the windowsill of his former home.

... _Rubbish,_ he thought.

Everyone already knew that nothing ever shines brightly in the darkness of Nohr.

Sunlight is little more than a myth in this kingdom of the dark, and _here_ of all places could never have something so brilliant in its midst.

 

* * *

 

 

Joker knew he was doomed to fail from the very start.

It’s been a month since his encounter with the mystery princess, who managed to score well with the grumpiest of maids after all. He was ‘forgiven’ for his mess, albeit not very kindly. Better than being left to die, he supposed. But every new day, each new speck of mold he happened to notice, caught between the floor tiles was more than enough to make Joker crave escape above all else. And to his fortune, it seemed that he may have his chance soon enough.

The youngest, newest among the royals had been watched over by an elderly man up until now. On top of the massive burden of age, he was said to be a member of Nohr’s knighthood. Whose bright idea was it to put an old geezer in charge of watching a princess, the age of a mere babe in comparison to himself? He could only be in service for so long, meaning at least one other person in the castle would have to take his place. And Joker didn’t need to hear any more news of servants going ‘missing.’

The castle had been awfully short-staffed as of late. Work had piled up to the point of nearly driving him mad. What was King Garon thinking, sending common servants to the battlefield? They were not soldiers. The familiar faces among the castle seemed to dwindle in weeks, presumably from being drafted out to combat. It was a miracle that he was too young to be sent out to battle. Foolish as the king seemed to be, at least he was well enough not to send pitiful children out with swords in hand. But if his life continued on its current course, fighting would be inevitable within a few years.

A certain crone in particular seemed to want him gone the most. Everyone’s _favorite_ among the castle had somehow gone up in rank, and took the chance to boss everyone around to her heart’s content. The head maid spent even more of her free time breathing down his neck, all while brandishing her knife. Clearly, she hadn’t let their run-in at his room go forgotten.

What a pain in the ass.

Regardless, what adults chose to do was none of his business. No one wanted to hear anything he had to say, anyhow. He couldn’t properly wash dishes, mop the floors clean, nor prepare even the simplest of snacks…

Even by a training butler’s standards, Joker was considered worthless.

His lack of worth, however, opened him up to this newest opportunity. It was an arrangement by the head maid—a contest of sorts, meant to redeem those who seem to do little else but fail. Those deemed worst of the servants were gathered in a row as the terms were explained.

Princess Kamui, apparently that was _her_ name, requested a playmate. ‘Only to be expected of a child,’ Joker thought at the time. Especially if her only friend is a pathetic old man, due to die at potentially any moment. The head maid thought to turn this into a game: whoever can brew the best tea will be assigned personal servant of Princess Kamui.

In short, she required a caretaker.

Much as the head maid wanted to throw him out at a single misstep of his, an unknown third party was somehow sticking up for him. He didn’t quite understand at the time, but he had no reason to complain. Even if the crone in question continued to stare him up and down, barking orders at the young servants to form a line based on their application forms. They were generic and mostly false, from what he’d read off of his own so far. It was likely a ploy to make the event seem more planned in Princess Kamui’s eyes than a last-minute affair planned by the head maid to try and earn brownie points with royalty. Still, he got into his assigned place in the row of fidgeting servants.

And he was at the very end of the line.

Joker could only watch as each young boy stepped forward, hands trembling as they approached the preparation table. One girl well ahead of him seemed to be suffering of panic, attempting to muffle her pitiful gasps for air. Everyone was terrified. Even Joker couldn’t keep his legs from shaking.

But, who could blame them? A majority of the participants in this game were children, only just a bit older than himself. Gods forbid they get ‘scolded’ for the sake of it, if they don’t put on a good show for the head maid. He felt absolutely sick in the pit of his stomach, knowing that his failure was near-inevitable. Maybe he could make it work through some bizarre miracle, like the one that had come his way only a month past. Anything to escape the mundane, pained lifestyle he was currently being forced to adapt to.

The ‘better’ servants were all preoccupied with other duties, deeming themselves much too busy to play babysitter. Or, so they would say. Joker could see plainly through their weak facades. Those who proved their worth in servitude didn’t have to fear being drafted into the army, being pulled away from their families or being left in the streets should they refuse. In that regard, they were more fortunate than himself.

…The warm, delicate scent of tea was starting to make him feel dizzy. It should have been comforting, but it only made his heart pound with anxiety. Someone at the far end of the line was speaking, though Joker could make out little other than small ‘thank you’s. His ears were beginning to buzz, nausea setting in…

It was a bitter reminder that, if he screwed this up…

_No_!

He couldn’t dwell on the thought any longer.

He couldn’t think about the consequences of failure. This was his only shot at redemption, to prove his competence. To prove to himself, and everyone else that he was worth _something_.

That his life had some kind of _meaning_.

Whose bright idea was it to serve a toddler several cups of hot tea anyway, all brewed by complete novices? Oh, right. That foul-breathed reptile of a woman. Joker could only curse as, before he knew it, he was the last participant standing in the room. Everyone else had stepped out after brewing their single cup which left him, the head maid, and…

And…

_Her_.

Joker had no idea what overcame him in that moment.

He stood absolutely still, almost as if his feet were anchored to the flooring. His eyebrows rose to his forehead, his eyes unable to part with… with hers. She didn’t seem that much younger than him, maybe a four-year difference at most. It was difficult to say when her frilled dress and hairband made her appear especially childish. Yet, her eyes…

Something about them struck him as strange. They were bright red, and full of an energy he couldn’t properly put into words. The peculiar depth behind them made Joker feel as though he were peering directly into her heart. He knew he was staring, but there was nothing he could do about it now. At first, he had been expecting a girl spoiled rotten. Someone with an attitude as foul as the moldy bread he threw out that very morning.

But something about her was just _so_ …

_Soothing_.

“Excuse me?”

Joker nearly dropped the teapot in his hand.

When had he even picked it up? Shit… had he said that out loud?

“S-Sorry ma’am! I mean, milad— _princess_! Sorry, _princess_!” He sputtered out an answer as he hurriedly poured everything into the teapot, careful not to spill any of its contents onto the table. Tea was a delicate drink to work with, that much he knew. Joker had to be careful not to add too little, nor too much…

Just a little bit more sugar, and…  It wouldn’t be too bitter for her, right? She seemed like a girl who preferred something sweet…

Oh, crap. He was blushing, wasn’t he?

Stupid…!

Joker tried to hide his face from the princess as he placed the lid on his teapot. A small part of him hoped that she would tell him to halt and meet her eyes again. Truthfully, she could say anything and he would be satisfied. Those two words that left her lips were the sweetest things he’s heard during his _entire_ stay in this dark, depressing castle…

_…What the hell was wrong with him?_ This wasn’t some case of ‘love at first sight!’ _Hell no!_ Joker never believed in that sort of nonsense, to begin with. Yet… he couldn’t deny that his face was feeling strangely warm. But he wasn’t getting butterflies in his stomach. No, nothing like that.

Then… what were these feelings? It went beyond recognizing the pale glow of her hair as the only girl who helped him out over this past month. He had never felt… _urges_ … to make someone else feel happy. Even in the purest of senses, it was like Joker had forgotten what it was like to genuinely care for another person. He wanted to talk to her more, and that confused him.

What Joker knew for certain was that he wanted to see a smile on her face.

“Um… e-excuse me again, but…?”

At the sound of her voice, Joker immediately whipped his face back to make eye contact. The boy gave her the best smile he could despite his nerves and the prickles on his skin. “Y-Yes?”

“Your teapot…”

Joker’s smile thinned into a line as soon as the loud whirring of his teapot finally met his ears. How had her voice caught his attention faster than overheated water? Frantically, Joker snatched up the teapot to serve her a cup.

_Just one cup_ , Joker mentally shouted. _Just one… damned cup…_  Don’t you _dare_ screw this up!

If you can’t at least pass something this simple, then…!

His palms were slick with sweat, causing his fingers to lose their grip on the handle. He silently cursed as the metal scalded his skin, sending the teapot forward. Joker wanted to scream so many things to the princess before him in that span of two seconds.

Look out!

I’m sorry!

I heard your name is Kamui…

My name is Joker!

Yet he could only watch on with horror, words unable to leave his throat. Helplessly he reached an arm out, offering a hand to her. But… what good would that do, now? What a fool he was.

Joker would have punished himself, had he not fallen to his knees at the sound of her scream. Not only did he just lose his last chance at escape from this corner of hell, but this delicate princess is going to suffer terrible burns because of his mistake. Because of his incompetence, lack of focus…

His _worthlessness_.

Joker felt every hair on his body raise in fear as his wrist was once again snatched up, forcing him away from Kamui. The maid’s nails dug into his tender skin, but Joker could only welcome the slight pain. It numbed his senses, dulled his fears in the strangest of ways. Nothing could have possibly felt worse than the lingering tightness in his chest.

Why did this have to hurt so much? Was it because of guilt, fear from what he had just done? Perhaps apprehension of what would come next? It had been a long time since Joker experienced genuine dread. He had never been very good at expressing his emotions to others, nor understanding them to begin with. Even now, as his vision began to blur with tears, Joker’s mind was left in a haze.

What the hell was wrong with him?

The maid was yelling at him, yet none of her shrieks made it through Joker’s ears. He was frozen in place, hands trembling as he forgot how to breathe. She was probably scolding him, threatening to cut off his fingers as a form of retribution for the princess. ‘I knew you were a troublemaker from the very start,’ that old crone would always hiss. ‘We should have left you out on the streets. Be grateful.’

Recalling each instance of disrespect normally brought his blood to a boil. It would make him clench his fists and grit his teeth, silently wishing that he were just a few years older. Training to become a soldier of Nohr would have led to a greater livelihood than this. He wasn’t very good at fighting now, but he could learn. He could have become strong, and every single castle hand who looked down at him would watch on with envy.

But right now, his blood ran cold.

If he were thrown away now… what would he do? Where would he go?

His parents abandoned him, and certainly had no intentions of ever seeing him again. He no longer had any family to look toward, especially in a time of need. Was this really how his life was going to end? A pointless death, alone in the gutter?

Joker wanted to scream. To cry out, plead for some sort of mercy. He hated it here, but at least he received reasonable food and shelter amidst all the despair.

‘ _But no longer_ ,’ Joker thought to himself. He was being dragged away by the arm, desperately shuffling his feet on the slippery tile in a pointless stall for time. It was delaying the inevitable, but it was all Joker could do to retain some measure of his sanity.

_Please, wait! I’m sorry!_

In a futile attempt to break free, Joker tugged his arm in the direction opposite from which he was being pulled. He reached out to the princess once more with his free hand, but he couldn’t see anything past the tears in his eyes.

_Give me a second chance! I won’t mess up again, I promise!_

The maid only tightened her grip around Joker’s small wrist, aggressively digging her fingers into his skin. A cruel reminder of how helpless he was in this situation. All he could hear now aside from the ringing in his ears was the clatter of the maid’s heels against the well-polished floors. In desperation, Joker tried to cry out once more.

_Please, just…!_

Yet…

 

No words could leave his lips.

 

 

“Stop!”

 

The ringing ceased.

Everything instantly fell quiet.

Joker couldn’t believe his ears. The skepticism rendered him unable to move, but his heart only began to pound even faster. The head maid halted her stride as well, yet the grip of her hand did not budge.

“…Princess Kamui?”

Swiftly, Joker wiped his eyes dry with his sleeve. His behavior was undignified, but he had to make certain that she truly was okay. Surely enough, the whole front of Kamui’s white dress was stained a terrible, murky black. She should have been horribly burned, but the girl didn’t show a single ounce of pain in her expression.

Instead, she was smiling.

Joker found himself trembling again, but not out of fear. Rather, a combination of all the anxiety he had felt up until now to an overwhelming sense of relief at Princess Kamui’s bizarre safety. She was stepping closer to them now, bare feet pattering with childish delight. The boy found himself counting how many steps she was away from him in an attempt to gather his thoughts. His efforts were in vain, as Joker’s mind went blank when Princess Kamui took his hand into hers.

Her fingers were soft and gentle, not like his own in the least. His hands were rough and marred from constant work. He may have been newer among the servants, but he already acquired blemishes on his palms from the maids and their ruthless methods of scolding him. Joker struggled not to blush, but the contact was too… unnatural. Even his own parents had never held his hands so… fondly. He almost felt as though she were too pure, and merely touching his hand with her own would tarnish her cleanliness.

But no one in the room could have anticipated what came next.

“I want him.”

Joker’s eyebrows rose, hand flinching between Kamui’s palms. Her gentle fingers attempted to weave between his own, as if she were seeking permission to properly hold his hand. He obliged, unable to wipe the shock off his face as Kamui softly brushed her thumb along his own. It must have been a silent promise from her that everything would be okay. His fingers clenched in her grasp.

Joker bit onto his lower lip, desperately trying to hold back his tears yet again.

“B-But, Princess Kamui…! You can’t be serious!” The maid let go of Joker’s arm, revulsion in her voice. Joker would have given her the dirtiest look he could muster if he wasn’t struggling to keep his swirling emotions in check. “This boy… don’t you understand the severity of what he did to you?”

“Yeah, I do.”

She looked over Kamui with skepticism. “Are you… _unharmed_? Truly?”

A small frown etched itself onto Kamui’s face as gasps began to erupt from every corner of the room. Each of the servants had come of their own accord, hoping to see who the princess would select to be her servant. Some of them had come to witness Joker fail, no doubt. Regardless of the motive, he felt a strange sense of pride swell in his heart. He had failed utterly and miserably, but the princess sounded serious about her choice. With a nod, Princess Kamui only tugged Joker closer to her side and away from the maid in case she attempted to pull him away again.

“I’m fine, sheesh! He’s the one I want, and that’s final!” The girl narrowed her eyes, sticking her tongue out for good measure.

“So you just have to accept that!”

Only to be expected, everyone was shocked by her dedication to the decision. Gasps and other horrified mutters were heard, and it wasn’t long until the crowd of servants began babbling among themselves. Likely, they were deciding on a new rumor to pass around about the princess and her newest errand boy. Without another word, the princess pulled him along by his hand out the door and through the winding hallways.

Joker still found himself at a complete loss, unsure of what he could say to properly express his gratitude. ‘ _Gratitude’_ was what he felt now, right? He wasn’t exactly happy, nor sad. Everything felt… blank. The more he tried to think of what these emotions were, he found himself perplexed.

It was only when he looked at her that he began to feel _something_. It was a small, delightful spark that made his chest feel warm.

“Hey!”

Joker jolted himself awake. He hadn’t realized that in his daze, he was bumping into some of the hallway corners as they walked. She had chosen to stop for his sake, staring him dead in the eyes with furrowed eyebrows. The princess was probably worried about him. He didn’t want to worry this kind girl any further, so he rushed out an answer. “Y-Yes? What?”

“You know who I am, but I still don’t know who _you_ are!” Sweetly, she gave him a smile.

“What’s your name?”

“Oh, um…” Joker found himself unable to look at her eyes any longer. He couldn’t deny that he wanted to, but he had already left a bad impression on her by staring at her so much. It was almost like she could see straight through him. Bashfully, he rubbed at the back of his neck. “Joker. My name, that… is…”

Truthfully, it wasn’t his _real_ name. But it was a title he chose to give himself not long after being thrust in the confines of this castle. He’d be lying if it wasn’t inspired by his treatment here, as well. A bit of sardonic taste, but the princess seemed to eat it up.

“Is that right?”

She laughed. “Wow, what a funny name! But I like it!”

Reaching around to grab his other hand, Kamui held both between their chests. It was as if she were clasping her hands together in a prayer, and he was lucky enough to have his own palms sandwiched between hers. “Joker,” the princess began. “Let’s take care of each other from now on, okay?”

Joker couldn’t believe it. This was really happening, wasn’t it? There was no way. A chance at a newer, better life… all thanks to the generosity of this kindhearted princess. “I’m…” Joker took a deep breath, trying to still the shakiness in his limbs. “I’m honored, Princess Kamui. But… why would you choose me? There are many other servants in this castle who could do a much better job than I…”

Princess Kamui could only pout. She appeared genuinely confused by Joker’s suggestion, and took a few minutes to reach her conclusion. “Hmm…”

“Well… you’re just like me, aren’t you?”

Now Joker was the one with a scowl on his face. The two of them, _similar_? He couldn’t think of a single trait that they both shared. He is, admittedly, rough around the edges and cold to everyone he meets. She has the voice of a small angel, her presence filling himself with a strange calm. _She_ is a princess, and _he_ is a servant.

What in the world could the two of them possibly have in common?

“I mean,” Kamui started. “I cry a lot. My home has been really lonely lately.”

The cheer progressively left Kamui’s face as she explained her reasoning. Joker began to regret asking at all. What if his careless question brought up some of Princess Kamui’s most hurtful of memories? Maybe one of the other servants would get him killed for ‘mistreating’ her. The young girl twiddled her thumbs with modesty, almost as though she were embarrassed over what she had to say next.

“My siblings don’t have as much time to visit. It’s not very fun without any of them around.” Her eyes looked over his face without pause. Perhaps she was attempting to establish eye contact with him. When their eyes finally met, Joker’s heart skipped a beat at her following words.

“You seemed kind of lonely, too. But…

Together, we both don’t have to be lonely anymore!”

The sweet, childish naiveté in her voice sounded sincere. Joker couldn’t believe how one girl could be filled with such happy, pleasant thoughts. Although, it appeared that the rumors of Princess Kamui never leaving her home in the fortress were indeed confirmed. Such a pure-hearted girl… he wanted to take her out of the fortress, to see the sights that the outer realms of Nohr had to offer. Yet he also wanted to protect her from the evils in Nohr, those which stalked the shadows nightly. He wasn’t sure which of the two Princess Kamui would prefer, but he knew for certain that she deserved better than her current life. Even if he couldn’t really provide any of those things, given how little he knew about the world outside his former home. But he could try and learn.

“P-Princess… Kamui…”

Before he knew it, Joker felt droplets collect at the corners of his eyes. Today had been, undeniably, very emotionally driving for him. He would have to hold on just a little longer, getting proper rest before pledging himself to a renewed life of servitude. It would be shameful for his new master to see him cry again so soon. Perhaps he was but a young fool, acting impulsively on his emotions. Perhaps he was only feeling this way out of having somewhere to stay, someone to rely on since he had nowhere else to go. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to care in the least, at least not right now. In an attempt to hide his reaction before she could see, Joker lifted his arm to cover his eyes. A small pair of hands grasped his sleeve before he could do so.

“Ahh, don’t do that! It’s okay to cry in front of me!” Another bright, gentle smile.

“So… don’t hold back.”

This was not something Joker was used to. His emotions, justified? Acknowledgement, despite being rather awkward, along with an offer of support? The boy couldn’t believe his ears. He really was receiving comfort from a young girl, let alone the newest princess of Nohr. She may be too adolescent to understand the world outside of her castle, but she at least seemed to have a firm grasp on empathy. Tears began to flow freely as Joker found himself moving without his consent, wrapping his arms around Kamui.

The two had just met, yet his connection to her was bizarre. Here he was, the cold-hearted errand boy, letting his hot tears soak her shoulder. She returned his embrace, much to his relief, but Joker could not help but feel guilt. He wanted to commit himself to her fully, to always be the one to put a smile on her face. He didn’t want to be a burden to her. Rather, he hoped to one day lead her by the hand to exceed the limits of her potential as a noble. That was the sort of things princesses wanted, right?

Above all, Joker wanted to understand what these odd feelings were. Perhaps he _did_ love her, to some degree? It was unlikely, given the few minutes they’ve actually spent together. Yet, already, Joker felt happiness swell in his chest for the first time in years. Something he had sought for, all this time, finally seemed within his reach. Princess Kamui gave him a purpose, something to dedicate himself to.

She gave him _worth_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first official chapter is up! Hopefully it read okay, with the break-offs and all. Felicia and Flora won't be introduced quite yet, but I promise they will be soon! It's still going to be a while until the really juicy stuff gets done, but keep leaving path suggestions if you have any particular route you want the fic to focus on (Hoshido, Nohr or neither; with neither being the Revelations setting).

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a really long time since I put any fanfic writing out there, but here we are! This will be a Joker/Kamui focused fic, with some one-sided Flora/Joker. The rating will go up in later chapters thanks to smut / explicit content. Be warned that plot and support spoilers are bound to show up throughout the fic!
> 
> I also haven’t chosen a particular route for this fic yet, and figured I might as well leave that in the hands of whoever feels like commenting! So drop some lines of Hoshido, Nohr or neither in the comments and I’ll apply that decision after we clear up the childhood + prologue-y stuff. I might write some notable scenes from other paths as extra goodies, but that’ll come much later.


End file.
